The idea that people had sex before the 20th century really freaks me out. Like George Washington probably got a blow job and that makes me uncomfortable.
(via jessicaisweird)
If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.
This is perfect.
(via superpsychtime)
“i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography
“I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.
“I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy
“I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book
(via crystallized-teardrops)
You never really know a girl until you talk to her four in the morning. All day she masks behind books, make up, pretty clothes, an attitude, and the fakest of smiles. But in the darkest parts of the night and the earliest parts of the morning, she breaks from her shell and opens her heart. The beat changes, her voices’ medley trembles, her eyes bat away tears. You never really know a girl until you speak to her soul, four in the morning.
(Source: martiansoul, via bl4ck-and-whit3-nightm4r3)
ugh mums are so annoying ‘clean ur room take out the trash im worried about your mental health why is there a dead guy in the living room’ ha ha yeah ok whatever mum
(via crystallized-teardrops)
